Digging into the beautiful,
complicated truths
that make us human.

She slipped the deep blue coat from the hanger.

The fur collar brushed her cheek,

a brief vanishing softness.

I watched from my doorway,

a child awake when I shouldn’t have been,

drawn by the thin slice of light

— a path to my mother.

My father rattled his keys,

impatient for the night ahead.

But she moved at her own pace,

buttoning the coat,

one small circle at a time,

each button, a door closing between us. 

Don’t go, Mama.

When you wake up tomorrow, I’ll be here.

I didn’t know yet

that even small departures were rehearsals.

Years later,

I stood beside her bed

as her breath thinned

until it was only a thread,

a single stitch holding her to the world.

When she exhaled for the final time,

I thought of that coat—

how she slipped into it,

how she slipped out of it—

and I knew death was only this:

the gentle unfastening,

the body set down

like a garment grown too heavy,

and the spirit stepping forward

into whatever waits

beyond the door.

In that moment

I saw her again in the hallway,

unbuttoning the blue coat,

letting it slip from her shoulders

and collapse into itself —

a shape without a body.

She stepped out of the garment 

she had worn so long,

that heavy, beautiful coat

of skin and bone.

And, once again,

I was the child in the doorway,

wanting her to stay,

not knowing I was learning

to let her go. 

Don’t go, Mama.

When you wake up tomorrow, I’ll be here. 

MeaningMaker Avatar

Published by

2 responses to “new year’s eve 1975”

  1. gloria fern (kropf nafziger) Avatar

    Absolutely beautiful!

    Home

    “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who come alive.” Howard Thurman

    Liked by 1 person

  2. C Ehrat Avatar
    C Ehrat

    This is beautiful… I can picture everything that you have written. One of the most difficult losses in life is losing your Mom. The grief never ends and that is the price of love. Jana, your writing is a blessing for all of us. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a reply to C Ehrat Cancel reply